Home›Blog & Resources›Helping Your Child Talk About Feelings

One of the most common things I hear from parents who bring their child to play therapy is: “They won’t talk to me. I ask what’s wrong and they just say ‘I don’t know’ or ‘fine’ — and then I see them struggling.”

Here’s the thing: they probably aren’t withholding. They genuinely may not know. Young children — and many older ones — don’t have the emotional vocabulary to name what they’re experiencing. They just feel it, react to it, and express it through behavior.

This is one of the core reasons play therapy works: it meets children at the level where they actually communicate. But there are also things parents can do at home to open the door.

If your child struggles to open up, our play therapist, Kimberly Reagan, helps children express what they can’t yet put into words.

Why children struggle to name feelings

Emotional vocabulary is a learned skill. Children develop it over years, with help from the adults around them. The research on emotional development tells us that children need three things to build this vocabulary:

1. An adult who names emotions out loud — consistently, and in the moment
2. A safe environment — where expressing emotions doesn’t result in punishment, minimization, or overwhelming the adult
3. Time and repetition — emotional vocabulary builds slowly, through hundreds of small interactions

Most children aren’t struggling to talk about their feelings because something is wrong with them. They’re at an earlier stage of emotional development — or they’ve learned, somewhere along the way, that expressing feelings isn’t safe.

What doesn’t work

A few approaches that are well-intentioned but tend to close the conversation rather than open it:

“What’s wrong?” This is too broad for most children to answer. They don’t know what’s wrong — they just know something feels bad.

“You shouldn’t feel that way.” Even when it’s meant as reassurance (“You don’t need to be scared, there’s nothing to worry about”), this communicates that the feeling is wrong or bad — which shuts it down rather than moving it through.

Problem-solving immediately. When a child expresses something hard, the impulse is to fix it. But jumping straight to solutions communicates that the feeling is a problem to be eliminated, not an experience to be understood.

Making a big deal of it. Some children go quiet when they sense that their emotions are overwhelming or upsetting to the adults around them. They protect their parents by not sharing.

Justin Robinson, LPC-S — founder of Renew Counseling Center, 10+ years with East Texas teens and families. Renew offers family counseling in Longview, TX — call (903) 386-3824 for a free 15-minute Fit Call.

What does work

Name feelings out loud — yours and theirs. “I notice you’ve been really quiet since school. I wonder if you’re feeling left out about something.” You don’t have to be right. The act of naming a possibility gives the child language and permission.

Use books, TV, and play. “That character looks really scared. Have you ever felt that scared?” Stories create distance that makes hard feelings easier to approach.

Try “I wonder” instead of “What’s wrong.” “I wonder if you’re feeling a little sad about Grandpa.” It’s an invitation, not an interrogation.

Be curious about their play. Children communicate in play what they can’t say in words. “It looks like that character is really angry. What’s making them so mad?” — asked gently, while they’re playing — opens a door that a direct question often closes.

Validate before you reassure. “That sounds really hard” before “I’m sure it’ll be okay.” Children who feel heard are far more willing to keep talking than children who feel managed.

Make space in ordinary moments. Car rides, bedtime, walks. Side by side rather than face to face. Many children find it easier to open up when there’s no eye contact and the conversation doesn’t feel like a conversation.

When to get more support

If your child has been struggling emotionally or behaviorally for more than a few weeks — withdrawing, acting out, having nightmares, or showing significant regression — and the strategies above aren’t opening things up, it may be time to bring in support.

Play therapy gives children a space where they don’t need words. The playroom is designed to let children communicate through what they naturally do — and a trained play therapist knows how to listen.

Renew Counseling Center in Longview, TX offers play therapy for children ages 3–9. Call (903) 386-3824 for a free 15-minute Fit Call — no commitment, just a conversation.

If you think counseling might be the right step but aren’t sure how to bring it up, our guide on how to talk to your teen about therapy walks through that conversation step by step.

Sources: American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry — The Anxious Child

Ready to talk to someone?

Articles are a starting point. A free 15-minute Fit Call is a low-pressure way to figure out if Renew is the right fit for your family.

Call (903) 386-3824
Send a Message

Free 15-min Fit Call · No commitment · In-person & Telehealth across Texas

Written by Justin Robinson, LPC-S
Licensed Professional Counselor-Supervisor · Founder, Renew Counseling Center
Last reviewed June 2026

Read Next

What Is Play Therapy? →
How to Help an Anxious Child →

This article is educational in nature and is not a substitute for professional mental health evaluation or treatment.